Josie's Journey with Osteosarcoma
Today would have been your 10th birthday.
I still celebrated….I still bought a birthday cake…I still sang to you….I danced with Orra and Gully….I thought of you all day!!!!
I miss you so much…..Happy Birthday my sweet Josie!!!
I will love you forever….Love Momma
Tuesday November 5th 2013
Tuesday morning. I used to clean 2 houses every Friday. I quit them about 6 months ago. They had both wanted me to come back, but I decided I was done. I had received a text message on Saturday asking if I would come in and do a quick clean/dusting on any day of my choice….I thought – what the heck, I just bought a new tennis racquet, I could put the money towards that and not feel as guilty about buying it. So I decided to do it Tuesday morning after my weightlifting class. It was my day off from running my Mom and the only thing on my schedule was that 8am class and my “long” walk day with the girls. I had just recently done a walking schedule for them for the entire month of November so that I would never over do it with Josie’s arthritis but still got some long walks twice a week, medium walks twice a week and the other days were all short walks just around our land. The schedule was working out really well so far, so I opted for Tuesday to clean the house.
I left the house at about 7:40am – a bit rushed, knowing I would be pushing it to get to the Y by 8. I had my backpack, a bag of plastic bags for recycling, a bag of tennis balls for my sisters dog and my cleaning caddy…….I asked Marsh to open the door for me and close it behind me since my hands were completely full. In the rush of things I didnt do my normal kiss of all the dogs as I left….I usually kissed them all on the head or the nose and told them to be good girls while I was gone….Josie was usually on the couch or the dog bed on the floor, Gully was usually on the loveseat or on the couch with Josie…and Orra, well she was usually trying to sneak out the door with me, so I usually got her standing. But this day, I regretfully just left the house…..
I did my class, played a half hour of tennis, showered, changed at the Y and then headed over to clean. I got done there at about 12:30 and drove IMMEDIATELY home….I drove my car in the garage and opened the front door to let the girls go out….I hit the little lever on the bottom of the screen door to make it stay open as I had to pee myself. Orra and Gully were standing at the door waiting for me and Josie was just hopping her way over as I came in. I told them to all go potty and petted Josie on the top of her head as I scooted past her to the bathroom. As I sat on the toilet, Orra came in – I can never have any privacy with her around, so I told her to go out and go potty. I finished up in the bathroom, changed into my dog shoes and we were off….
Now Josie was notorious for doing a “fake out” as she got in the dog mini-van…she would stand by the house as the other two eagerly jumped in and I would have to tell her over and over to “Come on Josie”, finally she would hop over, get to the door and STOP dead in her tracks….She did this nearly every single time we were trying to go somewhere. And every single time I would say…”I hate that when you do that” and then I would give her a little push on her butt and she would usually jump right in. Tuesday, she hopped right to the van and jumped RIGHT IN! I was pretty impressed, and I think I may have even mumbled something under my breath about how easy that was….
So we headed back into town….as I was driving I noticed that Josie was laying down…..now THIS IS WEIRD! I turned back at her and said “are you tired Josie??” I thought it was a little strange but kept driving. I scolded Orra few times for nearly stepping on her sister but that just went in one ear and out the other. We arrived to pick up Daddy which is about 12 minutes away. He came right out and all the dogs were standing at the cage that separates them from the two front seats. They all greeted him and we were off again….This time we headed about 5 minutes away to Jimmy Johns to grab a sub. I asked Marsh if he wanted to eat in the van or inside and we both agreed to eat inside. We split a half a sub as it was kind of late and we didnt want to spoil our dinner.
While we were eating, I asked the sandwich maker for the “guts” of 3 subs (the bread dough they normally throw away) for the girls as they were waiting in the van. I broke them each into 3 pieces as we gobbled down our food and then we headed back to the van. I gave each one of them a piece at a time…and they all waited so patiently for their turn. After they were done, we drove Marsh back to the shop and were then headed down to go for our “Long – Tuesday” walk. As we were driving Marsh back, Josie laid down AGAIN!! I mentioned something to Marsh and he suggested that maybe her arthritis was bothering her seeing as it was kind of a damp rainy-ish day. I brushed it off to that, left him and we headed to the park. As we got closer, I tried everything to get her up, I said all her favorite words and phrases about the park but she just laid there with Orra making circles around her. I warned Orra a few more times not to step on her.
We arrived at the park, I put the van in park and opened the back door. Josie made a motion like she was about to get up and I told her “No, you just stay here, you are too tired already. We will go for a quick little walk and be right back.” I gave her the coveted rawhide I keep in the van incase I need to keep one of them occupied from some strange reason, I locked the doors and we were off. It was cold and drizzling. I had on my small jacket with no hood, so I went back to the front seat and grabbed a clean dog towel I keep in there for any odd use. I locked the doors again and draped the towel over my head and we started walking. I got to one point under the train trestle and looked at my phone…I had only been gone 7 minutes….I thought I would make the quick loop around by the river yet, and that should make the walk about 20-25 minutes, that way Josie wasnt waiting too long. I had NEVER left her in the van like that while taking the other dogs…EVER!! And not that that is a bad thing, I just had never done it and it felt a little odd.
We did the loop, got back to the van and as I walking up, I hit the clicker to unlock the doors. Now, if any of the dogs were ever waiting for me, that was the sign I was there and they would shoot up like a bullet and look out the window. When I hit the clicker, I didnt see her head….My heart sank and I knew something was wrong…..all the other things, I could explain, but this….was WRONG!!!!
I opened the door and she was laying on her side, in the middle of the van….not panting, but breathing kind of hard….She kind of sat up on her front leg, looked me dead in the eye and looked away….It was a look I will NEVER forget, it was the look that said “I am going to die today”……
I sat down on the edge of the door opening, folded up the towel and laid her head down on it. I stroked her body and told her it was okay…..Orra and Gully were both trying to get in the van but I told them no. I called Marsh immediately and told him he had to come and get them, that they could not ride in the van with her or they would step on her as she was sprawled out in the middle of the floor. I dont think he got it, so I said “I am not kidding, this is serious, you need to come now” I think he could hear the sincerity in my voice and said he would be right there. So I sat, and petted her and comforted her until he arrived. As I was, I noticed the small mole between her eyes was kind of pale…not its normal pink….so I checked her gums….they seemed to be normal, but then again, what is normal??? I found myself confused as to what “her” normal color was.
Marsh came and took Orra and Gully. I told him he could just take them to the shop seeing as he was right in the middle of something and bring them home when it was more convenient for him. I was just going to take her to the vet and have them do some blood work on her.
He left, I left….I drove about 500 yards and decided to see what she did standing up…and if she could. So I pulled over, crawled in back and had her get up, which she did. Her rear right leg kind of shook which was normal with her arthritis, but then, she stood on the top of her foot….and then flipped it back normal….I think that is called posturing??? she did that a few times and I told her just to lay down. Which she did. I knew she was due for her Adequain injection soon, so my mind told me that yes, I would bring her, they would draw blood and then give her an early dose of her med and she would be fine….but…..the back of my mind was freaking out.
I got her to the vet, drove to the front door and parked. Left the van running and went inside. I got the desk and asked of Dr Madden-Heinzen was working and the girl said “Yes, who do you have and whats the problem”…..my eyes immediately filled with tears, my voice got all squeaky and I said “Its Josie, she cant walk”
She shuffled me into to “BAD ROOM” – the room where people go to say goodbye to their pets, it has a sofa, two comfy chairs and pictures people have sent of all their dead animals…and kleenex everywhere you look. I sat down, grabbed some kleenex and cried….for about 2 minutes, and then I went back to the lobby and said, I need to go out and be with her, I will be outside. Just as I got out, Dr. Madden-Heinzen came to the door, she looked very smart and professional…she had big maroon glasses on along with a very concerned look on her face…..she asked me what happened and I gave her a condensed version our day.
We opened the door to the van and the tiny little vet jumped right in. As she got in I mentioned the color of her mole, she checked her gums, and pressed on her belly. She said she needed to get her on oxygen immediately. We hoisted Josie up and I put a collar and a leash on her. She got down from the van pretty well, but I wrapped that towel under her tummy to help her walk. We went in the building and they took her immediately to the back – through the lobby….not through a secret door…yes, this is bad.
I went out, moved my van screaming out the loudest “fuck” I have ever said….I dont swear very often, but this just jumped right from my throat. I composed myself and went inside. They put in me in that dang room again. I sat and looked around. The last time I had been in there was when Josie was recovering from her gastric torsion surgery. I was such an overprotective mother to Josie, I had to be with her all the time, so they set us up in that room. I brought blankets from home and we made a bed on the floor….I played music on my ipod and we spooned…..all day until they let her go home.
But on this day, I sat there alone…waiting…..
Within just a couple minutes, Dr. Madden-Heinzen appeared and sat down on the chair. She looked at me, square in the eye and said “She’s dying”……
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I think I died right there and then. I asked if I could be with her and she said they had her on oxygen and they were starting an IV. She was too weak to even take an xray but she would come back and get me as soon as they had her all settled.
Within a couple minutes they walked me back…and there my she was….laying on a blanket on the floor in the middle of the room with the tech holding an oxygen cone on her snout. She looked at me immediately and I smiled at her and said “Hey Baby Girl!!!!” I knelt by her and told her to fight hard, I told her I loved her a million times…..but she was sooo weak she couldnt even hold up her head! I asked to scoot in behind her up against the counter so I could lay her head on my lap and hold the O2. I mentioned that her stomach seemed a little bit big and the tech thought it was due to her leg being underneath her, so we pulled her leg out, but I told her I thought it still looked a little big.
I just loved on her that entire time I sat there. The doc would come in and would check her eyes, her gums, press her belly and various other things. After about 15 minutes on oxygen they took her in the room next door and took some xrays. The doc came back and said she really couldnt see anything on xrays but began pressing more on her belly. She said she would like to aspirate her stomach and explained that consisted of. They were very conscious of me being right there and explaining each thing they did or were going to do. I was fine with them doing anything at this point…..she stuck the needle in and drew back the plunger…….blood….an entire vial of dark red blood………….
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I knew……this is bad……she went over the whole….we could open her up….she would more than likely die on the table…..we could refer you to the emergency vet an hour away….same outcome…..cancer…spleen…liver…less than 50/50 chance…..its probably a tumor somewhere in her tummy that ruptured……she wont make it through the night…..blah blah blah…….
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It was time….I didnt want her to suffer in a way, shape or form. Dr. Madden-Heinzen had assured me that she was not in any pain, that she was just tired, and I know that with my heart. She always let me know if she had ANY pain, we had a way of communicating and I really believe that she was just completely tired. Josie also hate being cold……and laying with her, she was cold, she was getting restless and her breathing was beginning to change. I would now allow her to feel uncomfortable in a way. So, I got up, went to the door and told the tech, tell her its time, right now.
Dr Madden Heinzen came in and explained it all, which I already knew….she said it may take longer due to the fact that her circulation is so slow….I told her I understood and then I loved her – I blocked out everything except my Josie, I told her lots of good things and the last thing I said was “Momma loves you, Daddy loves you and Brittany loves you.” and she took her very last breath…….
The doctor listened to her heart…and it was not beating. She told me she was gone, but I knew that, I felt it…it happened right in my arms, right in my body….I felt her leave. I put my head to her chest and it was silent. Dr. Madden-Heinzen said all the things vets say at that time…..I really didnt listen…..I honestly was alone in the room with my very best dog and she was dead.
The techs came in, I had, during the time I was alone waiting to see Josie earlier, texted my friend who owns that pet crematory….I told him I would be bringing in my Great Dane. The techs explained that he would be in later to pick up a few other animals, but I declined….I wanted to be her chain of command. I was going to escort her. They picked her up and put her lifeless body on the cart and I drove to the back door to hide the death from other patients and we loaded her up in the van.
I called my friend the funeral director that would be doing the cremation. We arranged time to meet allowing me enough time to bring her home so that her siblings could smell her and know that she was dead. I wanted them to know that and not wonder when she was coming home and not look for her. It rained the entire night…..the girls came out and smelled Josie’s body and then I drove her to crematorium. I stayed there and smelled her feet, snipped some hair from her tail. My friend and I shared stories about our dogs and then after about 45 minutes I realized I had to leave her.
This proved to be harder than I thought…..but I did…..
When I got home, I walked in the door to 2 Great Danes….not 3…..the house was silent, empty….I walked straight in my bedroom, crawled in my bed and I cried…..I got 2 hours of sleep that night…and they didnt come until I crawled on the floor and curled up in her dog bed…
Mourning….I am in the deep black hole they call mourning….I fear I will lose my mind sometimes. I lost such a big part of me, I will never be the same without her. I loved her like no other and she loved me the same!!!
My daughter explained it best the other day when she said: “She was like a human trapped inside of a dog’s body.”
I was so lucky to have had her in my life for 9 1/2 years….I don’t even know what I did to deserve such a great dog. I will love her and miss her forever and ever!!!
For anyone that is considering amputation, or their pet just had an amputation, I dont mean to scare you. I would do it all over again, but be prepared…going through this makes you bond differently with your pet. I love my other dogs very much, but Josie was special….maybe it was because she was my first dog… maybe she was just really smart….maybe it was the cancer….maybe it was all of the above…I guess all I know is that I have never dealt with so much pain in my heart….but I guess I wouldn’t feel the pain if I at first I had never felt so much love….
Thank you Tripawd nation for the last 3 years and 8 months of advice, knowledge, stories, pictures, laughter and tears….Although I will continue to read them, I hope this is the last post I ever have to write here…..
Peace to you all…Love,
Mia ~ Human mother of:
“Josie-The Greatest Dane” 2/24/04 – 11/5/13
“Miss Gully” 4/18/07
“Orra Ireland” 5/14/12
Every day when I come home, I always say “Where’s my little blue dog???” as I greet Josie…
Today, Josie left my side….I will no longer find her bouncy little spirit in the living room upon my arrival….I wont be able to smell her stinky feet, scratch her itchy shoulder, kiss the soft spot above her nose or spoon with her and hear the joy in the rumble of her throat.
My soul is crushed, my head hurts, and I feel like my heart has been slowly ripped out of my chest…..
Josie – The Greatest Dane 02/24/2004 – 11/05/13
Tripawd date 03/17/2010
It has officially been 3 1/2 years….I just want to dance!
September 19th 2013 ~My only update for Josie is that she is slowing down….but hey, I guess I’m not getting any faster either, so we are a perfect match!Her arthritis is kicking it into high gear, I am looking forward to the winter, hoping it will be yet another form of relief for her. Since I dont have much, I thought I would throw in a couple pics from the summer….enjoy!
This picture was taken this spring when the field corn was just coming up.
It is almost ready to be harvested and it is still one of her favorite places.
She loves playing hide and seek…running down the tall rows until she finds me or Daddy.
And this one was taken early summer along the river.
Orra is coming up on her right.
It is interesting the relationship these two have…quite different than her and Gully.
And this picture is just love…..Gully loves her Josie time. For those of you who aren’t familiar….When Josie was 3, I got her a puppy for her birthday (Gully). She didn’t like her too much at first, but now….it’s just the sweetest love! Looking at this just makes my heart happy!
Keep on kickin’ it Josie…Momma loves you! <3
We made it to year number 3!
I remember sitting at the UW Madison Vet Teaching Hospital on March 17th 2010. It was a beautiful spring day. I had brought my lawn chair along for the wait and ended up taking a nap outside in the sun while they amputated Josie’s leg, shoulder blade and lymph node. Wow…it seems like only yesterday.
But here we are….3 years later…and my “little” lucky charm is still hopping through the clover! Hoppy St. Patrick’s Day to Josie – The Greatest Dane!!!
As you can see, I don’t blog very often anymore…my last blog was exactly one year ago! I used to use the blog as my way to cope, to find help, advice, get answers, almost a bit of therapy….after a while I found that I have that all right at home. Josie has always been the one to know when things are wrong and she can tell me just about anything with her eyes. I also have an amazing friend I found through this site…Sue Von Rosen Zieske, Queen Nova’s Mom. She has been my go-to girl and I look forward to hopefully meeting her and her beautiful girls this summer!
Josie has had two extremely scary episodes this past year where she was actually walking on 2 legs….yes, TWO legs!!! I thought it was the end….time to say goodbye. Instead, she has been diagnosed with arthritis in her hips and pelvis. She also has old torn ACLs in both her knees. Her amazing doctor started her on Adequin injections twice a week along with Rimadyl and Gabepentin pills. She is down to getting her Adequin once a month and that along with the pills have her hopping and running like no ones business! Dont get me wrong, she still has bad days when she overdoes it, she will be real slow to get up and will favor her rear left leg. BUT….she is happy and hoppy 99% of the time! She still loves to get outside in the cold Wisconsin weather, eat snow and run with her two sisters! Yes, we adopted another Dane, Orra Ireland, on New Years Day this year. She is a 10 month old Merle and is a wonderful addition to our family. I think she brought some spunk back in Josie’s life. Miss Gully is almost 6 now, so young Orra is keeping them both on their toes!
On the wonderful day of February 24th Josie celebrated her 9th birthday in style…cake, ice cream and presents and best of all, her human sister Brittany came home for the day!
Tomorrow (March 17th 2013) is officially her 3rd Tripawd Ampuversary…I ordered her yet another cake and we will celebrate once again. I hope there are many more cakes in our future!!!!! (I had to explain what an “Ampuversary” was to the lady in the cake department at our local grocery store, she thought the cake was for a little girl that couldn’t pronounce Anniversary…)
Hoppy Ampuversary my sweet Josie!
Has it really been 2 years???
St. Patricks Day 2010….I remember the day so well! It was a gorgeous sunny spring day. I fell asleep sitting in the sun, with my iPod playing music in my ears, I waited to hear how Josie’s surgery went. I was sitting in my lawn chair near the large animal entrance at UW Madison’s Vet Teaching Hospital…it was a very long day.
Here we are today, 2 years later…I am so thankful for the time we have had together. I am still amazed to this day how much spunk she still has….not only is she a 3 legged Great Dane, but she also just celebrated her 8th birthday last month.
I made this video last year to celebrate her 1 year ampuversary:
This day is a second birthday for her of sorts…its the day that the amazing doctors gave her a second chance to live. This year there will be no video…it looks like we will just celebrate with one of her favorites, a yellow cake with Bettercreme frosting….yep, it looks like another cake is in order for my beautiful blue baby.
January 17th, 2011
Today we celebrate Josie’s 10 month Ampuversary! We are celebrating with lots of peanut butter treats, a piece of cake, hamburgers and never ending confetti, as yet another snowstorm rips through Eastern Wisconsin.
We have seen a couple changes this past month. First of all, we moved, a little over a month ago, during the first BIG snowstorm the lakeshore has had this winter. Snow…that would be the second change. Even though Josie is almost 7 now and has experienced many a winter in her lifetime, this is her first winter as a tripawd, and I must say, she LOVES it, just like she always has….from bending down and taking a refreshing mouthful of the newly fallen powder to romping around with her buddy Miss Gully.
We made the big move from a busy street in a small city to the end of a dead end road near little country town. Our new home is nestled on 5.25 acres with 1300 ft of river frontage…. or “doggy heaven”. Right now the river is frozen which makes for the perfect daily walk. It is a winter wonderland out there with lots to explore and many good smells for inquisitive doggy noses.
Things have been going good for Josie….she seems to be doing great right now. She had a few learning lessons so far this winter, falling on the ice and slipping on the hardwood floors since being a tripawd dawg, but she doesn’t let anything slow her down. It is priceless to see her at the bottom of a hill, looking up at me, her eyes full of doubt, and then watch her conquer that hill and be able to celebrate with her at the top.
I tend to spoil her more often than not. Arriving here at 10 months, I am very aware how fortunate I am to still have her in my life, have the funds to pay for expensive amputation, chemotherapy, bloat surgery and numerous medications. I try to keep things in check, to not sweat the small stuff and really appreciate what we have together. I snuggle with her, kiss her, massage her and tell her how much I love her on a regular basis. I am reminded of this by the recent losses of Mackenzie, Fortis and other tripawds along our journey. Today we will celebrate, we will celebrate the love we share and the life we live….
October 31st, 2010
It is Halloween…one of Josie’s favorite holidays, mainly because our doorbell rings constantly for 2 straight hours. I am sure she is thinking….”Does it get any better than this?” She lays on the rug in front of the door just waiting for the next goblin to appear on the walkway leading to the house. As soon as she sees a little monster she jumps to attention and frightens them with her Great Dane bark! I open the door to the little trick or treaters, allow her to poke her head out and get a whiff of them and introduce her….”This is Josie, The Greatest Dane”….most kids want to pet her and some will notice that “She only has 1 leg!”….I am used to explaining it to kids that she really has 3, but only one in front. Kids just love her gentle nature. They also tend to notice her “bareness” before most adults. It is quite adorable to see them bend down and look under her chest as if she is hiding her leg under an invisible skirt or something.
It has been 7 ½ months now and our life has moved on….we are as normal as we can be….for now. We have all adapted well to Josie’s new way of life, her bounce and her itchy right shoulder blade. She had her left leg and left shoulder blade removed in March and ever since has developed the itchiest right shoulder imaginable! She knows that she can’t scratch it on her own or she will topple over, so, she usually will stand and stare at me until I go to her side and dig in deep with both hands and scratch the muscley shoulder area….simultaneously….my nails touch her skin, her lips quiver and her right rear leg taps uncontrollably…ahhh relief!
Josie is and always has been loved and adored by all who meet her. Now everyone that meets her wants to know her story. Sometimes I feel like a broken record but I am a proud Momma, and I happy that she is here with me, hopping along, either by my side or trailing behind, smelling all the smells life has to offer an awesome, spoiled dog. I tend to worry over her…every sneeze, loose stool, tiniest little gag…..I fear that the cancer has come back….and that it will only be a matter of time. I find myself spooning with her quite often as she sprawls out on the floor to get a good stretch…Yep, there I am, nuzzling in behind her to smell her fur, kiss her soft ear, to take in as much of her into my memory bank so that I can smell her her once she is gone. I try to think of a way that I can bottle her scent…her stinky dog ear smell….I know I am crazy, but I love her. And I cry…I cry because I don’t know what it will be like to not have her in my life….I will feel so empty….
But….for now, she is great! And I mean GREAT!!! She is happy all the time! Her tail is wagging more now than ever before!! She loves to go for long walks and still takes forever to get back to the truck when we are done. It is the Dane in her, she is stubborn as a mule….I have to remind myself to be patient with her, because once she is gone, I will wish I could be waiting on her to jump in the back of that truck.
The snow will be flying soon here in Wisconsin and we love our daily winter walks….I wonder if her front paw will get cold faster now. There have been a few little things I have noticed that have changed since her amputation and this winter will be yet another new experience for us. I don’t want to rush things, but, I can hardly wait! She needs to stay strong so we can enjoy a lot more time together! But, so far, so good…..
Josie loves life, she loves her human sister Brittany, her fur sister Gully and she loves her Momma…to me, that one word describes her best….yes, Josie is…Love….
Chemo….round two.
We drove to Madison on Thursday morning. Just Josie and I. I think she knew where we were going because she wouldn’t allow herself more than a snooze the entire 2 plus hour ride to the hospital. She laid in the back of the Jeep with one eye open almost the entire trip. We arrived right on time and they drew blood and then we had to wait 2 hours for the chemo to arrive at the lab. Josie was happy to leave during that time and we used it wisely to go visit Brittany at work. The inevitable time came to head back to the hospital for her infusion and once again I had to walk her to the back room….she is like a stubborn mule when it comes to leaving me…..but, can you blame her? It seems she is always getting poked with needles or cut open while we are apart…
She slept the entire way home….completely zonked….
Side effects seem to be the same as last time. Loss of appetite being the main thing. She eats just a little….so I try to feed her more often.
Today is Sunday and it is cold and windy here in WI. I took the girls for a nice long 2 hour walk today….Josie style…that means we walk at her pace….slow….and let her smell what ever she wants…..for as long as she wants….well, within reason. She even ventured off the path a few times. We didnt run into but a few dogs today, mostly fishermen out today, the river is high and fast and looks like chocolate milk.
All in all, Josie is doing great! She is alive…and she is happy….and that is all that matters!
Thursday April 8th 2010 Josie got to come home today at noon…she is resting now…actually she is PASSED OUT! She was so happy to see Gully, and that, made my heart smile!
She is on a bland diet, cerenia – to prevent vomiting, deramaxx – for pain control and has 23 staples on her tummy….and…..she is home….at last!!!!!
Once again…thank you to Dr. Angie Madden-Heinzen, Dawn at Port Cities and ALL our friends for thoughts, well wishes, prayers, and oodles of love….We LOVE you ALL!!!!!